Barnsey

I've retired from Hi-clone debunking.
In fact, I've gone over to the dark side on the theory of why protect
idiots from having charlatans empty their pockets, when it would be
much simply simply to get my hand in as well.

I bring you: Uncle Tony's Terrific Teflon Wax.

Now, we all know the principle of Teflon and how it stop the stupid
missus from burning the steaks into the pan. some of us have even seen
Teflon used to coat bearing surfaces on beer fridge dooirs so that they
open quietly and effortlessly as we slip in for our 10th last beer
after being told "no more tonight luv".

Well now, via "Uncle Tony's Terrific Teflon Wax" the protection of
Teflon can be yours as well.

Here's just a few uses to which "UTTTW" can be put.

But before we discuss the amazing benefits of "Uncle Tony's Terrific
Teflon Wax" let's talk about testing.

We are lucky enough to have Mr Yussif Crackafat, recently the janitor
at the department of biological weapon's research at Baghdad University
currently living just down the street on his temporary protection visa
whilst he organises employment in Syria.

For a slab of VB (poor prick hasn't discovered beer yet) he agreed to
conduct a series of tests on Uncle Tony's Terrific Teflon WaX and write
exactly what we told him to.

So, there you have it, a noted Scientist supports all the claims made
for Uncle Tony's Terrific Teflon Wax.

But, if Uncle Tony's Terrific Teflon Wax does not completely satisfy,
all you have to do is download the 785 page "Return Materials
Authorisation" form from our website that is available between 2:30am
and 2:45am every second sunday, post the completed form to our clearing
house in Parkistan for processing and, once you have your RMA, return
the unused portion to us for a FULL REFUND.

All cheques will be issued by our affiliate company "The super Mains
Powered Anal Penetrator and Gay sex toy supply house" whose cheques are
loudly emblasoned with both the name of the firm and full colour
pictures of some of out more popular products.

OK, so now that we have assured you that your money will be
safe......in my bank account, let's discuss some of the benefits of
Uncle Tony's Terrific Teflon Wax and how much money it can save you.

By applying UTTTW to your vehicle, immediately after a full factory
tune and service, followed by a good wash, we guarantee that you will
gain at least 5% improvement in fuel efficiency due to the reduction in
friction through the air. Further dramatic improvements can be obtained
by paying special attention to any large roof mounted spotlights,
bonnet ornaments (like steer horns) and large bull-bars. The use of our
companion product "Uncle Tony's really Terrific Spray on non-stick
Formula" may be of assistance. This fantastic scientifically proved
product comes in relabeled Home Brand "Canola Oil Spray" pressure packs
for your convenience.

Other amazing uses of UTTTW include using it to polish your
number-plates with, thus making them invisible to speed cameras.

If the old girl is clanking a bit, and blowing smoke, then one bottle
of UTTTW into the sump will put a stop to all that, at least until the
new owner changes the oil anyway.

The uses just go on and on.

Send today for this amazing and scientifically proved product (small
circulated bills only please). UTTTW can be had for a only $150 per
30ml bottle, UTRTSONSF in handy sized spray cans is a gift at only $200
per can. Why not purchase our Christmas gift pack and send one to
Barnsey?

Anyway, enough of this nonsense, I'm starting to convince myself that
with a bit of a polish and a national advertising campaign it might
work.

And none of you Bastards steal it neither, dream up your own
scientifically proved get rich quick scheme and don't pinch mine!

Tony Smith