INSTALLING A HUSBAND

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower
and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
 Romance 9.5 and  Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable
programs such as

NBA 5.0,
NFL 3.0 and
Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the
system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but
to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate.

//////

DEAR DESPERATE,

First, keep in mind,
 Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while  Husband 1.0 is an
operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html, try to download Tears
6.2, and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If those applications work as designed, Husband 1.0 should then
automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to
default to

Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download
the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law
1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of
all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0-program.
This is an unsupported application and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory
and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying
additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend
Cooking 3.0 and
Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck!

Tech Support