Never a MFFYCam around when you need one. :)

Picture a six-lane road (three in each direction). Posted speed limit:
50 MPH. The road is coming away from a shopping mall on Thanksgiving
weekend, so there's a fair amount of traffic. The left lane and the
right lane have long lines of cars, but amazingly the middle lane only
has one car in it besides mine: a Honda CRV, driven by a man in
late-middle-age (he has grey hair, but is not quite a geezer). The CRV
appears to be brand new, but the spare tire cover on the back door
already has several large scuff marks on it, as if it had been backed
into something solid. Whenever I see damage like this on another car I
make a special effort to keep clear - why take unnecessary chances
when there is clear evidence that other guy might not be all that
careful/competent?

The lane ahead of the CRV is wide open as far as the eye can see, but
this Sloth is content to simply tool along, taking an agonizingly long
time to creep up to 30, then 35, then 40 MPH. I cannot pass him
because there are long lines of cars in the lanes to either side, but
I keep a respectful distance - I do not tailgate, I do not flash my
passing lights - I simply bide my time.

Presently, one of the cars in the right lane slows down to make a
right turn into a driveway. Siezing the opportunity, I gun it, signal,
change lanes to the right, and pass Mr. Sloth. As if awakening from a
long nap, the man who took almost a full mile to slowly creep up to 40
MPH suddenly decides to floor it(!!!) Gee, could it be that Mr. Sloth
Control Freak was attempting to block my pass? Or was it merely a
complete coincidence? Whatever the motivation behind it, his attempt
is futile (BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!), and I signal left and merge
smoothly into the center lane in front of him.

As I roar past I hear him honking his little clown-car horn at me.
Gee, Mr. Sloth, why are you so angry? All I did was *pass* you! Or,
perhaps it was more than that: perhaps I foiled your control-freak
attempt to force me to drive at SL - 10? Or was it simply that I did
not allow you to be FIRST in line? Awwwwww, poor widdwe bay-bee!!
Here, let me call the WAAAAAAAmbulance for you!!

Anyway, because I was stuck behind this Sloth for such a long time, I
ended up missing the next traffic light. As he approaches the light,
Mr. Sloth changes lanes to the left and pulls up alongside me; I
ignore him. When the light changes, I accelerate briskly away from the
light, but level off sharply at the 50 MPH speed limit - this is my
usual technique for quickly (yet legally) establishing a good space
cushion around my vehicle. Amazingly, the guy who was perfectly happy
to putter along at 30/35/40 MPH (as long as I was behind him) suddenly
COMES TO LIFE and is actually GAINING ON ME (i.e. he is exceeding the
speed limit)! Holy sh.t, Batman - I must have REALLY gotten under this
a.shole's skin!! At the next intersection we are once again
side-by-side at a red light; when it changes, I once again leave him
in the dust initially, and he again exceeds the speed limit to catch
up with me. I guess saving a few microliters of fuel just isn't any
fun when you can't keep someone else trapped behind you while you're
doing it... :)

At the next intersection I made a right turn whereas Mr. Sloth went
straight, so he never had another opportunity to trap me behind him.
Sorry to spoil your fun, Mr. Sloth, but I have more important things
to do than to hang around and play your little dominance games with
you.

Guys like this are the reason I can NEVER go back to a wimpy car like
the Toyota Corolla station wagon my wife used to have. The price of
freedom is eternal vigilance, and part of that vigilance is equipping
yourself with the tools with which to defend your freedom. If you fail
to properly equip yourself, you're doomed to suffer the tyranny of the
minority on the roads.