1cup parmesan, 1cup romano
Seasoned bread crumbs  mixed with  
  parmesan
  romano
  salt
  pepper
  oregano
  garlic powder
  chopped parsley
Flour
eggwash (eggs and milk)
Peanut oil for frying.

Pound the cutlets.
Dredge in flour, eggs, then the bread crumb mixture.
Fry till golden brown in 350? peanut oil.
In a baking pan, place a layer of gravy,
  then one of meat, gravy, and cheese.
Another layer each of meat, gravy, and cheese.
Then bake at 350? for 45 minutes.
Serve on hot pasta with romano cheese.

Southern Fried Small-fry

Tastes like fried chicken, which works just as well.
In fact you may want to practice cutting up whole chickens
for frying before you go for the real thing.
Whole chicken is much more efficient and inexpensive than buying pieces.

1 tiny human, cut into pieces
2 cups flour
Onion, garlic
Salt
pepper
garlic powder
cayenne pepper
hot sauce, etc.
Oil for frying

Mix milk, eggs, hot sauce in a bowl, add chopped onion and garlic.
Season the meat liberally, and marinate for several hours.
Place seasoned flour in a paper or plastic shopping bag,
  drop pieces in a few a time, shake to coat thoroughly,
  then deep fry in hot oil (350?) for about 15

should be one lying around for reference).
Bake at 400?for about 25 minutes -
  or you could fry them in olive oil.
Place the meatballs in the tomato gravy, and simmer for several hours.
Serve on spaghetti.
Accompany with green salad, garlic bread and red wine.

Newborn Parmesan

This classic Sicilian cuisine can easily be turned into Eggplant Parmesan
If you are planning a vegetarian meal. Or you could just as well use veal -
after all, you have to be careful - Sicilians are touchy about their young
family members...

6 newborn or veal cutlets
Tomato gravy (see index)
4 cups mozzarella, 1cup parmesan, 1cup romano
Seasoned bread crumbs  mixed with  
  parmesan
  romano
  salt
  pepper
  oregano
  garlic powder
  chopped parsley
Flour
eggwash (eggs and milk)
Peanut oil for frying.

Pound the cutlets.
Dredge in flour, eggs, then the bread crumb mixture.
Fry till golden brown in 350? peanut oil.
In a baking pan, place a layer of gravy,
  then one of meat, gravy, and cheese.
Another layer each of meat, gravy, and cheese.
Then bake at 350? for 45 minutes.
Serve on hot pasta with rom

per pound of meat.
Tie the arms flat to the body, then pull the skin flaps up to close the cavity.
Now tie the thighs up tight to hold it all together.
Place breast side up in a large metal roasting pan.
Bake in 325? oven covered for 2 hours.
Remove cover, stick a cooking thermometer deep into one of the
  baby?s buttocks and cook uncovered till thermometer reads 190?,
  about another hour.

Pro-Choice Po-Boy

Soft-shelled crabs serve just as well in this classic southern delicacy.
The sandwich originated in New Orleans, where an abundance of abortion clinics
thrive and hot French bread is always available.

2 cleaned fetuses, head on
2 eggs
1 tablespoon yellow mustard
1 cup seasoned flour
oil enough for deep frying
1 loaf French bread
Lettuce
tomatoes
mayonnaise, etc.

Marinate the fetuses in the egg-mustard mixture.
Dredge thoroughly in flour.
Fry at 375? until crispy golden brown.
Remove and place on paper towels.

Holiday Youngster

One can easily adapt this recipe to ham, though as presented,
it violates no religious taboos against swine.

1 large toddler or small child, cleaned and de-headed
Kentucky Bourbon Sauce (see index)
1 large can pineapple slices
Whole cloves

Place him (or ham) or her in a large glass baking dish, buttocks up.
Tie with butcher string around and across so that he looks like
 he?s crawling.
Glaze, then arrange pineapples and secure with cloves.
Bake uncovered in 350? oven till thermometer reaches 160?.

Cajun Babies

Just like crabs or crawfish, babies are boiled alive!
You don?t need silverware, the hot spicy meat comes off in your hands.

6 live

reduce oven to 325.
Fill the pie with stew, place top crust and with a fork, seal the crusts together
  then poke holes in top.
Return to oven and bake for 30 minutes, or until pie crust is golden brown.

Sudden Infant Death Soup

SIDS: delicious in winter, comparable to old fashioned Beef and Vegetable Soup.
Its free, you can sell the crib, baby clothes, toys, stroller... and so easy to
procure if such a lucky find is at hand (just pick him up from the crib and
he?s good to go)!

SIDS victim, cleaned
? cup cooking oil
Carrots
onions
broccoli
whole cabbage
fresh green beans
potato
turnip
celery
tomato
? stick butter
1 cup cooked pasta (macaroni, shells, etc.)

Remove as much meat as possible, cube, and brown in hot oil.
Add a little water, season, then add the carcass.
Simmer for half an hour keeping the stock thick.
Remove the carcass and add the vegetables slowly to the stock,
  so that it remains boiling the whole time.
Cover the pot and simmer till vegetables are tender
  (2 hours approximately).
Continue seasoning to taste.
Before serving, add butter and pasta,
  serve piping with hot bread and butter.

Offspring Rolls

Similar to Vietnamese style fried rolls, they have lots of meat
(of course this can consist of chicken, beef, pork, or shrimp).
Who can resist this classic appetizer; or light lunch served with
a fresh salad? Versatility is probably this recipe?s greatest virtue,
as one can use the best part of a prime, rare, yearling, or the
morticians occasional horror: a small miracle stopped short by a
drunk driver, or the innocent victim of a drive-by shooting...

2 cups finely chopped very young human flesh
1 cup shredded cabbage
1 cup bean sprouts
5 sprigs green onion, finely chopped
5 cloves minced garlic
4-6 ounces bamboo shoots
Sherry
chicken broth
oil for deep frying (1 gallon)
Salt
pepper
soy & teriy

pepper, etc.  
Olive oil
butter

Brown the meat and some chopped onions, peppers, and garilic in olive oil,
  place in baking dish, layer with vegetables seasoning and butter.
Bake at 325? for 30 - 45 minutes.
Serve with hot dinner rolls, fruit salad and sparkling water.

B?b? Buffet 1

Show off with whole roasted children replete with apples in mouths -
and babies? heads stuffed with wild rice. Or keep it simple with a
hearty main course such as stew, lasagna, or meat loaf.

Some suggestions

Pre-mie pot pies, beef stew, leg of lamb, stuffed chicken, roast pork spiral ham,
Cranberry pineapple salad, sweet potatoes in butter, vegetable platter, tossed salad with tomato and avocado, parsley new potatoes, spinich cucumber salad, fruit salad
Bran muffins, dinner rolls, soft breadsticks, rice pilaf, croissants
Apple cake with rum sauce, frosted banana nut bread sherbet, home made brownies
Iced tea, water, beer, bloody marys, lemonade, coffee

The guests select food, beverages, silverware... everything from the buffet table.
They move to wherever they are comfortable, and sit with whoever they choose.
Provide trays so your guests will not spill everything all over your house from
carrying too much, nor will they have to make 10 trips back and fourth from the
service stations.

Roast Leg of Amputee

By all means, substitute lamb or a good beef roast if the haunch
it is in any way diseased. But sometimes surgeons make mistakes,
and if a healthy young limb is at hand, then don?t hesitate to cook
it to perfection!

1 high quality limb, rack, or roast
Potatoes, carrot
Oil
celery
onions
green onions
parsley
garlic
salt, pepper, etc
2 cups beef stock

Marinate meat (optional, not necessary with better cuts).
Season liberally and lace with garlic cloves by making incisions,
  and placing whole cloves deep into the meat.
Grease a baking pan, and fill with a thick bed of onions,

To append:  The lower compression pistons fitted to a turbocharged engine
also help prevent excessive peak dynamic compression levels, Steve.  Known
fact that higher cranking compression reduces the amount of boost you can
safely run ... gasoline or diesel.