As in, where the hell are they! Or maybe I should ask - "where would
they normally be, as I've searched from front to back & I'm sure there
aren't any fitted".

Both the factory & Haynes manuals aren't being helpful.

A quick progress update while I'm here. The good news is I now have
nearly all the electrics working, apart from the horn, turn signals,
power door locks & passenger window (which goes down but not up). With
a bit of luck I may even remember how to refit all the parts I've
removed. The bad news is I'm having nightmares about rusty self-tapping
screws.