...Without some pig-ignorant fuckwit pissing me off.

This year's Grand Marshall was Mario Andretti, and many lovely Italian
cars were promised to be featured ...so I watched.  

I am an idiot.

First of all, Audi hijacked the event.

...Several years ago German automaker VAG (Volkswagen-Audi Group),
bought Lamborghini and has since started assembling an "Italian" car,
the Gallardo.  Using Volkswagen engines made in Hungary, shortened
Audi chassis made in Germany, Volkswagen pressed body panels from god
knows where, and control and switchgear from the Audi parts bin; the
only thing Italian in the Lamborghini Gallardo is the leather in the
door panels.  

So... instead of Maserati and Ferrari convertibles, the Queen of the
parade (some frightened-looking, unlikely virgin from Brooklyn) and
the rest of the dignitaries, were driven in Audi A4 Cabriolets (while
a fine car in its own right, no Maserati 420, or Ferrari Modena
Spiders) while Mario himself stood in a Lamborghini Murcielago Spider,
a rather anachronistic flying doorstop which can trace its roots to
the days when Chrysler owned Lamborghini (not the high water mark,
right after Chrysler pulled the rug on Maserati) with finishing
touches at Eva Braun's beauty school...

It's important to note that Lamborghini never competed in auto racing,
while Mario contested innumerable races at the wheel of uncounted
Ferraris and Alfa Romeos, winning countless races and the World
Sportscar Championship in the Ferrari 312PB (twice?), and the Alfa
33TT-12 once, iirc.

Worstly:

Tony "Ignorant Frigging Meatball" Danza was one of the TV
commentators...  (As was the cute and curvy Maria Barteromo, NBC News
Business Analyst, "Wall Street Journal Report".)

...On to the Parade:

[A 1950's Abarth racer, with the word "ABARTH" in bold black block
letters on the front fender, drives by...]

T "IFM" D:  "That's got to be a Ferrari..."  (...It was polished
aluminum.  IT SAID "ABARTH"!  That sound you heard was Enzo hitting
the rev-limiter in his grave.)

(Don't even ask about the gorgeous Cisitalia following it...)

[Mario's open-wheel, winged, 1969 STP Hawk-Ford Indy 500 winning car,
with one ten-foot, and two five-foot tall signs flanking it saying
"1969 Indy 500 Winner", drives by on a flatbed.]

T "IFM" D:  "This is the Holman Moody Ford Fairlane 427 stock car
Mario won the Daytona 500 in."

Blink.  ...Blink, Blink?

[Two spiders drive by in parallel (one appears to be a 50's/60s Alfa
Romeo Spider, the other sort of looks like an Austin Healy 100 (?),
probably is another Cisitalia, the director really doesn't want anyone
to know.)]

T "IFM" D (Still unable to read):  "Somebody tell me what these cars
are"...

[Mario's 1984 Newman-Haas Lola-Ford Indy car on a flatbed:  "1984 CART
Championship Winner".]

T "IFM" D:  "Who drove this car?"

MB:  [Laughs derisively.]

[Mario's 1967 Daytona 500 Winning Holman-Moody Ford Fairlane 427]

T "IFM" D:  "This a stock car".

[Department of Sanitation Garbage Trucks rumble by]

T "IFM" D:  "...I'm COMING!"

...Guy's got a huge "thing" for garbage trucks.

[A flock of Alfa Romeo Giullietta Spiders carrying pretty young women
passes]

T "IFM" D:  "Look at the Alfa Romee-ros"...  

...Adds something dirty about girls younger than his own
grandchildren.

[Mario's 1964 GAPCO USAC Sprint car]

T "IFM" D:  "That looks like something I could drive."

...My bet is this blithering wig-stand would sh.t himself explosively
if they even started the thing up near him.

[Mario's World Championship of Makes winning Alfa Romeo 33TT-12]

T "IFM" D:  "Have you ever had Frexnet Tonic?"  (I kid you not...)

[A trio of Vespa scooters buzzes into view]

MB:  "Are these the Ducatis?"  

...Shut up, b*tch.  One bubblehead on the panel is enough.

[A Lamborghini Countach (last model built by an Alessandro Lamborghini
owned company)  drives by, with it's scissor doors open so the
occupants can wave]

T "IFM" D:  ..."It's a Gullwing".

MB:  "How'd you like to drive that car Tony?"

T "IFM" D:  "I drive an American car".  

...An IROC-Z, by any chance, you frigging greaseball?

[A Lamborghini Miura cruises us into the commercial (the driver is
clearly wearing a Ferrari  logo on his jacket, visible through the
windscreen...)]

MB:  "Wow, that's a nice car!  What is it?"

T "IFM" D:  ..."It's a nice car."

...

Not ONE Ferrari...  Not ONE Maserati...  (Miuras and Giuliettas are
lovely.)

...WAY too much Tony "Ignorant Frigging Meatball" Danza.

I now despise Audi, and the Gallardo, even more, if that was possible.