1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me,
for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much
leave me alone

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a
leaky tire

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your
neighbour's newspaper, that's the time to do it

5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

6. No one is listening until you fart.

7. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else

8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet

9. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of
car payments

10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them you're a mile away and you have their
shoes

11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish,
and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was
probably worth it

14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything

15. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

16. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time

17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes
from bad judgment

18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put
it back in your pocket.

 19. A closed mouth gathers no foot

20. Duct Tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side,
and it holds the universe together

21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works

22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving

23. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it

24. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

25. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our butt. Then
things get worse.

 26. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a
laxative on the same night

27. There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

28. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too
seriously.

29. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to
make a big deal about your birthday...around age 11.

30. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them

K.