Car Forum / Honda Cars / July 2009
Rear-Ended; New Bumper?
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Elle - 07 Jul 2009 14:02 GMT 93 Civic DX sedan. It was a collision hard enough that the drawer beneath the radio opened and sent the coin change I keep there flying. As I got out, I thought I would find the Civic's rear would be partly flattened. I was amazed that externally, the bumper only showed scratches. The exhaust system is intact. Is the integrity of the foam etc. in the bumper compromised, though, after a hard rear-ending?
The police made their report. I spoke with my insurance company last night. While only once before (on another car 20 years ago) of several rear-endings have I pursued a claim, this collision was so hard that I am concerned.
jim beam - 07 Jul 2009 14:19 GMT > 93 Civic DX sedan. It was a collision hard enough that the drawer > beneath the radio opened and sent the coin change I keep there flying. [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > rear-endings have I pursued a claim, this collision was so hard that I > am concerned. if there's no deformation, there's nothing to worry about.
if there is damage, of much more concern is whether you get to keep your own car - if you have full insurance coverage, chances are, the insurer will take your car, junk it, and give you a trivial settlement as "market value". only insure old cars third party if you like them and want to keep them.
Elle - 07 Jul 2009 14:33 GMT > > 93 Civic DX sedan. It was a collision hard enough that the drawer > > beneath the radio opened and sent the coin change I keep there flying. [quoted text clipped - 15 lines] > "market value". only insure old cars third party if you like them and > want to keep them. To clarify and/or double check: There is no deformation of the bumper that appears on an external inspection. I asked the policeman about the styrofoam inside, and he said the external plastic would often bounce back, showing no deformation, but meanwhile the styrofoam inside could be permanently deformed.
Is this not so from your understanding of bumper construction?
Thanks for giving this some time.
Tegger - 07 Jul 2009 15:48 GMT Elle <honda.lioness@gmail.com> wrote in news:00476f13-f562-43bc-a945- 9cd4d707f02e@c36g2000yqn.googlegroups.com:
> To clarify and/or double check: There is no deformation of the bumper > that appears on an external inspection. I asked the policeman about [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > > Is this not so from your understanding of bumper construction? The cop is correct. A junkyard crawl will confirm this.
The steel bumper rebar is bolted to the car. The foam is affixed to the bumper skin which covers the rebar.
The foam is meant primarily to hold the bumper skin out to its finished dimensions and shape. It also absorbs very minor "parking lot" type nudges. Under heavier impacts, the foam tends to compress and break up into large chunks. Those chunks often stay in place on account of the shape of the skin, but they can become dislodged and even fall out.
Theoretically, the rebar comes into play above 2.5mph (5mph in Canada), and theoretically protects the lights and other safety systems from damage during those impacts. Although I've seen too many instances where the bumper appears to have provided little more protection than a 1960s bumper, while costing a lot more.
 Signature Tegger
The Unofficial Honda/Acura FAQ www.tegger.com/hondafaq/
jim beam - 08 Jul 2009 03:17 GMT > Elle <honda.lioness@gmail.com> wrote in news:00476f13-f562-43bc-a945- > 9cd4d707f02e@c36g2000yqn.googlegroups.com: [quoted text clipped - 23 lines] > bumper appears to have provided little more protection than a 1960s bumper, > while costing a lot more. as tegger says, the styrofoam is of no consequence in any real accident, it's simply to hold cosmetic shape. the steel or gfrp bar underneath, and its mounting brackets, are what matter. if they're bent, the bumper always shows misalignment. afaik, honda build to 5mph rather than dick about with this keep-detroit-employed 2.5mph rubbish - doesn't take much of a nudge to open a full change tray. chances are, you're just fine.
Tegger - 08 Jul 2009 12:18 GMT > afaik, honda build to 5mph I think you're right and I'm at least out-of-date in my information.
According to www.riv.ca, the government-licensed agency that administers the importation of foreign vehicles into Canada, 1994-and-up Hondas are admissible without bumper modifications. Since Elle's '93 is the same as the '94, this means her bumpers are obviously 5mph ones.
Since cars that are 15 model-years old or older are importable into Canada without any restrictions or modifications, they are no longer listed with RIV, so I can't check to see if earlier models had 2.5mph bumpers.
However, it's still passing strange that Canada and the United States remain, since 1973, the only countries in the entire world to have bumper standards at all.
 Signature Tegger
The Unofficial Honda/Acura FAQ www.tegger.com/hondafaq/
Elle - 08 Jul 2009 14:44 GMT Yours is good info, fellows.
I googled a bit on the purpose of the styrofoam "absorber" (as it is called on parts sites). I thought this was interesting (from http://www.car-stuff.com/toyotabumperabsorber.htm): "... it is the Toyota bumper absorber that is usually made of Styrofoam or plastic that is positioned in between the bumper cover and the reinforcement to help strengthen the capacity of the bumper to absorb the impact created during collisions. In most cases, bumpers alone could not sustain the impact created during collisions, which is why a bumper assembly should be completed for maximum protection. If until now your bumper assembly is still lacking a Toyota bumper absorber, better equip your auto with one now or you probably would regret later on that you haven't. Bumpers are able to bounce the force back to the object that has collided with your auto instead of that force directly hitting your vehicle."
A lot of helmet designs use styrofoam, for one, so the above seems reasonable.
Seems there is a fair amount of chatter and dispute about whether the metal bumpers of say the 60s were better insofar as cutting down on damage to the vehicle. Maybe so but ISTM manufacturers also sought to lighten cars to achieve better gas mileage. Tradeoffs and all.
Tegger - 08 Jul 2009 23:01 GMT Elle <honda.lioness@gmail.com> wrote in news:a337a8ab-374f-4a4f-bb12- 4bf9217e4d1c@y17g2000yqn.googlegroups.com:
> Seems there is a fair amount of chatter and dispute about whether the > metal bumpers of say the 60s were better insofar as cutting down on > damage to the vehicle. Maybe so but ISTM manufacturers also sought to > lighten cars to achieve better gas mileage. Tradeoffs and all. Around the mid-'60s, automakers started turning their bumpers into what might be more accurately termed "decorative chrome bars". Insurance claims for minor body damage began escalating about that time. Tired of the claims, and alarmed by the sleek, form-fitting "bumpers" installed on cars by the late '60s, insurance companies lobbied the federal government for impact standards in order to limit minor damage claims.
From what I understand, the nascent safety zealots jumped in at the same time, claiming that safety was being undermined by lots of people driving around with broken headlights on account of the poor bumpers.
The result of their combined efforts was the 5-mph bumper impact regulations, first imposed on the front bumpers of 1973 MY cars (except for hardtops and convertibles, for some odd reason, which got one more year to comply).
The first energy-absorbing bumpers were essentially simple "logs" mounted on cylindrical struts that were filled with fluid of some kind, and were designed to collapse under impact. These assemblies were bulky and heavy (and usually ugly).
As the CAFE regulations of 1975 got tighter and tighter over the years, automakers sought to make the original steel/aluminum battering-ram bumpers lighter and lighter. This is why we now have hybrid flexible/rigid bumpers: Light foam simply replaced the old heavy cylindrical struts. Your rebar -- the original "bumper" prior to 1973 -- is now rigidly mounted to the body shell, just like a 1972 model, but is now buried under a $400 plastic skin ($800 including paint).
It's my understanding that insurance companies never really did get their hoped-for claims reductions: Better bumpers meant even /less/ careful drivers. Minor impact damage went down, but just about every other kind of collision damage went way up. A mixed blessing, to say the least.
 Signature Tegger
The Unofficial Honda/Acura FAQ www.tegger.com/hondafaq/
Tegger - 07 Jul 2009 15:08 GMT Elle <honda.lioness@gmail.com> wrote in news:c67588a7-23f9-4179-9872- 8d748fb83c8f@26g2000yqk.googlegroups.com:
> 93 Civic DX sedan. It was a collision hard enough that the drawer > beneath the radio opened and sent the coin change I keep there flying. Hope you were OK. Did you see it coming?
> As I got out, I thought I would find the Civic's rear would be partly > flattened. I was amazed that externally, the bumper only showed > scratches. The exhaust system is intact. Is the integrity of the foam > etc. in the bumper compromised, though, after a hard rear-ending? The foam is usually cracked and compressed. If you push on the bumper skin with your hand, you'll probably find that there is air space that wasn't there before. You may have a slightly increased chance of parking-lot damage to the skin (creasing, paint cracking) than you did before, but otherwise it should be OK.
You can try reaching inside from underneath with your hand (don't know if you'll actually be able to touch the foam) and see if the foam is loose.
> The police made their report. I spoke with my insurance company last > night. While only once before (on another car 20 years ago) of several > rear-endings have I pursued a claim, this collision was so hard that I > am concerned. Is there obvious displacement of the bumper skin relative to the trunk, taillights and fenders? Does the trunk still shut exactly as it did before?
The trunk latch is right next to the bumper, so it's a pretty good proxy for evidence of structural deformation.
 Signature Tegger
The Unofficial Honda/Acura FAQ www.tegger.com/hondafaq/
Elle - 07 Jul 2009 15:52 GMT > > 93 Civic DX sedan. It was a collision hard enough that the drawer > > beneath the radio opened and sent the coin change I keep there flying. > > Hope you were OK. Did you see it coming? Yes thanks no injuries; just shook up. Mostly while waiting for the police report I was just really unhappy that my beloved Honda may have been blemished+ or more. I was and am really irritated with the person who caused this and have half a mind to maximize her insurance company's hit to compel her to think twice while she drives (with two small kids in the car). But gosh I loathe insurance companies, so...
I was at a stoplight that had turned green yet the cars in front of me were not moving. So I did not see it coming.
I will do all the checks you described soon. Thank you for the detail!
dan - 07 Jul 2009 16:47 GMT > I was at a stoplight that had turned green yet the cars in front of me > were not moving. So I did not see it coming. > > I will do all the checks you described soon. Thank you for the detail! Glad you are all right.
When I got rear-ended, I was stopped a bit short behind another car waiting to make a left turn. I watched in the rear view mirror as a driver of a little econo-box stomped her brakes, making the rear end pop up and swerve back and forth as it approaced my bumper. I had a split second to turn my car left, but not into oncoming traffic, to avert the oncoming blow. Luckily she turned out of my lane and a full-on smash to just graze the rear right corner of my bumper cover. Deep scratches in the plastic, but fixable. I should have made the insurance pay for a whole new bumper, but instead, I just had her pay for paint. I just repaired and repainted the whole bottom of the cover that needed refreshing anyway. I didn't give much thought to the styrofoam underneath.
It is fairly easy to remove the rear bumper to see what's going on under there.
dan
Elle - 07 Jul 2009 18:45 GMT snip but all read and found helpful
> It is fairly easy to remove the rear bumper to see what's going on under > there. I checked everything people listed here. The factory shop manual has a single page for directions on how to get the bumper cover and styrofoam absorber apart, and it is dead-on correct in what (easily accessed) screws and bolts to remove. Everything looks good! I am amazed that the styrofoam absorber is not cracked nor does it appear deformed. At most, the bottom 3/8-inch of the styrofoam has small indentations from where gravel from the road accumulated over the years between the styrofoam and bumper cover. Then the gravel got pushed into the styrofoam some, either from this rear-ending or lesser ones over the years. The bumper beam looks fine.
I guess the styrofoam, the bumper beam, and the car moving some upon collision took the force (in the vein of Tegger's post). Kudos to Honda engineers or whoever sets standards for bumpers. A little more touchup paint here and there; some Armor All, and I think my Civic will be good to go.
Thanks again Jim, Tegger and Dan.
Elle - 07 Jul 2009 18:48 GMT Postscript: On reflecting on this accident and preventing it in the future, and from reading Dan's post, I think one of the lessons here is when there is a green light yet people ahead of one's car are not moving, glance at the rear-view mirror throughout and see what people in the back are doing. Maybe scoot the car up a little until people start moving.
Brian Smith - 07 Jul 2009 20:19 GMT > Postscript: On reflecting on this accident and preventing it in the > future, and from reading Dan's post, I think one of the lessons here > is when there is a green light yet people ahead of one's car are not > moving, glance at the rear-view mirror throughout and see what people > in the back are doing. Maybe scoot the car up a little until people > start moving. Yes moving forward when the vehicles in front of your vehicle haven't moved would increase the odds of having your vehicle pushed into the vehicle ahead of yours. Increasing the amount of damage to your vehicle and involving other vehicles and people in the collision.
z - 09 Jul 2009 03:03 GMT > > Postscript: On reflecting on this accident and preventing it in the > > future, and from reading Dan's post, I think one of the lessons here [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > vehicle ahead of yours. Increasing the amount of damage to your vehicle > and involving other vehicles and people in the collision. good rule of thumb when stopped, always leave enough space in front of your car that you can see at least the rear bumper of the car in front of you, so that a rear impact won't totally squish your car. you might even be able to duck sideways out of the way. practice in your driveway at such things helps. stuff you need to know when you drive a civic in a world of suvs.
Brian Smith - 09 Jul 2009 11:44 GMT > good rule of thumb when stopped, always leave enough space in front of > your car that you can see at least the rear bumper of the car in front > of you, so that a rear impact won't totally squish your car. you might > even be able to duck sideways out of the way. practice in your > driveway at such things helps. stuff you need to know when you drive a > civic in a world of suvs. An even thing to do is to stay back so that you are able to see the bottom of the tires of the vehicle in front of yours. This allows you enough room to cut your wheels and to drive around that vehicle should the need arise, whether due to another vehicle approaching yours from the rear faster than it can stop or if the vehicle in front stalls and doesn't move when the light changes. This works for any size of vehicle by the way from a Smart Car or a tractor trailer truck.
E. Meyer - 09 Jul 2009 13:32 GMT On 7/9/09 5:44 AM, in article h34hmf$tr6$20@news.datemas.de, "Brian Smith" <Halifax@NovaScotia.Canada> wrote:
>> good rule of thumb when stopped, always leave enough space in front of >> your car that you can see at least the rear bumper of the car in front [quoted text clipped - 10 lines] > doesn't move when the light changes. This works for any size of vehicle > by the way from a Smart Car or a tractor trailer truck. That all sounds great, totally reasonable & in fact, driver's ed in 1965 taught the bumper rule. If you try it around here (Dallas), one of several things will happen every time: another car will try to pull into the gap between you and the car in front if that gap appears big enough; the cars behind you will start honking because you are blocking access to the turn lane by being stopped so far back; the driver behind you will stop, get out of the car and come up and start yelling (like they do in D.C.). I have found the half-car-length rule to be more practical & just as safe.
Jim Yanik - 09 Jul 2009 13:46 GMT > On 7/9/09 5:44 AM, in article h34hmf$tr6$20@news.datemas.de, "Brian > Smith" [quoted text clipped - 25 lines] > yelling (like they do in D.C.). I have found the half-car-length rule > to be more practical & just as safe. some folks just can't judge distance. The "bottom of the tires" guideline works good enough,and is not too far back,and doesn't leave a gap sufficient for anyone to sneak into.
(and if they appear to be trying,THEN you edge up a tad,block them.you should be paying attention anyways.)
 Signature Jim Yanik jyanik at kua.net
Brian Smith - 09 Jul 2009 14:22 GMT > That all sounds great, totally reasonable & in fact, driver's ed in 1965 > taught the bumper rule. If you try it around here (Dallas), one of several [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > of the car and come up and start yelling (like they do in D.C.). I have > found the half-car-length rule to be more practical & just as safe. The space between vehicles is not great enough for any idiot to think about squeezing into, there just isn't room.
As far as blowing horns and people walking up to "chat" that's fine and easy to ignore.
E. Meyer - 09 Jul 2009 14:40 GMT On 7/9/09 8:22 AM, in article h34qtn$os8$7@news.datemas.de, "Brian Smith" <Halifax@NovaScotia.Canada> wrote:
>> That all sounds great, totally reasonable & in fact, driver's ed in 1965 >> taught the bumper rule. If you try it around here (Dallas), one of several [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > The space between vehicles is not great enough for any idiot to think > about squeezing into, there just isn't room. Depends what you are driving - If its anything with a long hood (& I'll concede that leaves out most Hondas) and/or the thing in front has a long trunk (like an LTD), bottom of the tires is about one car length & I have seen it happen enough times to know its true.
> As far as blowing horns and people walking up to "chat" that's fine and > easy to ignore. Usually its the guy who just missed the once-every-5-minutes turn light because some jerk wouldn't pull up 5 feet to let him into it. Easy to ignore, but still...
Brian Smith - 09 Jul 2009 14:48 GMT > Depends what you are driving - If its anything with a long hood (& I'll > concede that leaves out most Hondas) and/or the thing in front has a long > trunk (like an LTD), bottom of the tires is about one car length & I have > seen it happen enough times to know its true. Maybe the idiots where you are are more stupid than where I live. I have driven a lot of miles and there haven't been a large number of people that will try to squeeze in between my vehicles and the one in front. But that's truly not relevant to the practice I mentioned.
> Usually its the guy who just missed the once-every-5-minutes turn light > because some jerk wouldn't pull up 5 feet to let him into it. Easy to > ignore, but still... That is not my concern. I am not going to make room for someone behind me and then have the fellow behind him bump me in to the vehicle in front of me. It's only time and it's more affordable than repairs, especially unnecessary repairs.
E. Meyer - 09 Jul 2009 15:49 GMT On 7/9/09 8:48 AM, in article h34sfm$os8$10@news.datemas.de, "Brian Smith" <Halifax@NovaScotia.Canada> wrote:
>> Depends what you are driving - If its anything with a long hood (& I'll >> concede that leaves out most Hondas) and/or the thing in front has a long >> trunk (like an LTD), bottom of the tires is about one car length & I have >> seen it happen enough times to know its true. > > Maybe the idiots where you are are more stupid than where I live. What can I say. Dallas was just rated the number two place for road-rage in the US (just behind New York). You have to go with the hand you're dealt.
> have driven a lot of miles and there haven't been a large number of > people that will try to squeeze in between my vehicles and the one in [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > front of me. It's only time and it's more affordable than repairs, > especially unnecessary repairs. Brian Smith - 09 Jul 2009 16:29 GMT > What can I say. Dallas was just rated the number two place for road-rage in > the US (just behind New York). You have to go with the hand you're dealt. Well, I have to say that is too bad. I guess they'll just have to try harder for the next time period until they are number one. :^)
Leftie - 08 Jul 2009 00:47 GMT > snip but all read and found helpful >> It is fairly easy to remove the rear bumper to see what's going on under [quoted text clipped - 18 lines] > > Thanks again Jim, Tegger and Dan. That design was why I chose a Civic Si over a VW Golf in '86. (The VW salesman cheerfully explained the Golf's lack of a 5MPH bumper: "That's what the collision insurance is for!") And it survived at least one significant impact unscathed.
Tegger - 08 Jul 2009 02:13 GMT > That design was why I chose a Civic Si over a VW Golf in '86. (The > VW salesman cheerfully explained the Golf's lack of a 5MPH bumper: > "That's what the collision insurance is for!") And it survived at > least one significant impact unscathed. Except that Elle's Civic has a 2.5mph bumper, whihc kind of undermines your apparent point. Seems to have survived this incident just fine.
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The Unofficial Honda/Acura FAQ www.tegger.com/hondafaq/
Leftie - 08 Jul 2009 04:35 GMT >> That design was why I chose a Civic Si over a VW Golf in '86. (The >> VW salesman cheerfully explained the Golf's lack of a 5MPH bumper: [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > Except that Elle's Civic has a 2.5mph bumper, whihc kind of undermines your > apparent point. Seems to have survived this incident just fine. The design is nearly the same. The Golf had, near as I can tell, a "0.5MPh bumper."
Tegger - 08 Jul 2009 02:11 GMT Elle <honda.lioness@gmail.com> wrote in news:e9dad137-9980-4a03-aeba- 5762cb9543e2@32g2000yqj.googlegroups.com:
> snip but all read and found helpful >> It is fairly easy to remove the rear bumper to see what's going on under [quoted text clipped - 18 lines] > > Thanks again Jim, Tegger and Dan. Happy endings are always nice.
 Signature Tegger
The Unofficial Honda/Acura FAQ www.tegger.com/hondafaq/
Forrest - 09 Jul 2009 00:38 GMT > Elle <honda.lioness@gmail.com> wrote in news:e9dad137-9980-4a03-aeba- > 5762cb9543e2@32g2000yqj.googlegroups.com: [quoted text clipped - 23 lines] > > Happy endings are always nice. Yeah, you really have to check them over after a rear-ender. My wife got it in her 92 Seville. The bumper was shoved forward on one side and some other damage. I went to the Caddy dealer to pick it up after it was supposededly fixed. The bumper was replaced and looked fine. I got down on the ground and looked underneath. There was a small shock absorber on each side that went to the bumper. The one on the impact side had been damaged and compressed. Did they replace it? Hell no, just shoved a bunch of shims behind it and rebolted it. I was pissed, raised hell and got it fixed right. Talk about shade tree mechanics, at a Caddy Dealership, no less. Really tightened my Van Allen belt !
z - 09 Jul 2009 03:14 GMT > > Elle <honda.lion...@gmail.com> wrote in news:e9dad137-9980-4a03-aeba- > > 5762cb954...@32g2000yqj.googlegroups.com: [quoted text clipped - 42 lines] > > - Show quoted text - years ago, took my civic in to a local body shop in a big bucks neighborhood which advertised itself as specializing in mercedes, bmw, honda, acura, figured they would do a decent job on the front end i stupidly mangled. I impressed upon him i wanted it done right, even if it cost, not just patched together to look good for quick sale like some folks do. last winter, i skid into a dinky little yard sign just stuck into the dirt, no concrete or anything. it keels right over, of course, minimal impact, but the front bumper is split apart. Mr. classy body shop had neglected to replace the styrofoam under the bumper cover, and without the support the cover had stretched/ripped under the relatively gentle stress. i'm convinced it would have survived otherwise. bottom line, the guy's little cheat saved him probably $15 and cost me $200.
Leftie - 09 Jul 2009 04:47 GMT >> Elle <honda.lioness@gmail.com> wrote in news:e9dad137-9980-4a03-aeba- >> 5762cb9543e2@32g2000yqj.googlegroups.com: [quoted text clipped - 33 lines] > shade tree mechanics, at a Caddy Dealership, no less. Really tightened > my Van Allen belt ! I got some damage in a 10 or 15mph rear-ending at a yield sign. The insurance company called a Honda dealership for a price for a "replacement bumper" and paid me the $600 they quoted. When I went to pick it up it was just the skin, unpainted, without the collapsible supports. I ended up buying the supports and just repainting the scratches on the original "bumper." We need to get some redefinitions of what constitutes a "bumper."
Grumpy AuContraire - 09 Jul 2009 04:20 GMT > 93 Civic DX sedan. It was a collision hard enough that the drawer > beneath the radio opened and sent the coin change I keep there flying. [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > rear-endings have I pursued a claim, this collision was so hard that I > am concerned. If you are unhurt, just go for the cosmetic repair.
Of course if it were me, I'd be screamin' neck, back and other maladies and interviewing sleazy lawyers!
JT
Jim Yanik - 09 Jul 2009 04:26 GMT >> 93 Civic DX sedan. It was a collision hard enough that the drawer >> beneath the radio opened and sent the coin change I keep there flying. [quoted text clipped - 14 lines] > > JT and running the risk of being caught at fraud.
 Signature Jim Yanik jyanik at kua.net
Grumpy AuContraire - 10 Jul 2009 04:03 GMT >>>93 Civic DX sedan. It was a collision hard enough that the drawer >>>beneath the radio opened and sent the coin change I keep there flying. [quoted text clipped - 16 lines] > > and running the risk of being caught at fraud. You're probably right... Sleazy lawyers get away with murder but poor ol' me gets life in the slammer for trying to squeeze a few bux for my "pain 'n suffering!"
Oh well...
JT
Jim Yanik - 10 Jul 2009 13:23 GMT >>>>93 Civic DX sedan. It was a collision hard enough that the drawer >>>>beneath the radio opened and sent the coin change I keep there flying. [quoted text clipped - 24 lines] > > JT some humor; What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer? -- A tick falls off of you when you die.
- Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients? -- To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
- What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should? -- Stick his bill up his a.s.
- What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand? -- Not enough sand.
- What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? -- There are skid marks in front of the dog.
- What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? -- A Doberman.
- Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons? -- If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
- What do lawyers and sperm have in common? -- One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
- Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps? -- They had pictures of lawyers on them...and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
---
Lawyer's creed: A man is innocent until proven broke.
Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it?
The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythical creatures.
---
It was so cold last winter...(How cold was it?)...that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.
---
You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
Shoot the lawyer. Twice.
 Signature Jim Yanik jyanik at kua.net
Grumpy AuContraire - 11 Jul 2009 03:26 GMT That stuff is good 'nuff to pass on!
Thanks,
JT
> some humor; > What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer? [quoted text clipped - 52 lines] > > Shoot the lawyer. Twice. Dillon Pyron - 16 Jul 2009 02:09 GMT >>>>>93 Civic DX sedan. It was a collision hard enough that the drawer >>>>>beneath the radio opened and sent the coin change I keep there flying. [quoted text clipped - 81 lines] > >Shoot the lawyer. Twice. HOW TO HANDLE LAWYERS
A big-city, California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Tenn. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the US, and if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Tennessee. We settle small disagreements like this with the Tenn. Three-Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What is the Tenn. three-Kick Rule?"
The Farmer replied. "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back an forth, until someone gives up."
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees.
His second kick nearly wiped the man's nose off his face. The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old coot now it's my turn."
(I love this..........)
The farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."
 Signature
- dillon I am not invalid
"Jimmy, I'm sorry your girlfriend turned out to be a cylon." -Special Agent Tim McGee, "NCIS"
Joe - 09 Jul 2009 07:13 GMT >> 93 Civic DX sedan. It was a collision hard enough that the drawer >> beneath the radio opened and sent the coin change I keep there flying. [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > Of course if it were me, I'd be screamin' neck, back and other maladies > and interviewing sleazy lawyers! Why's that?
 Signature Joe - Linux User #449481/Ubuntu User #19733 joe at hits - buffalo dot com "Hate is baggage, life is too short to go around pissed off all the time..." - Danny, American History X
Brian Smith - 09 Jul 2009 11:46 GMT > Why's that? It's the American way. You must recognize their battle cry, SUE, SUE, SUE! :^)
Joe - 09 Jul 2009 12:00 GMT >> Why's that? > > It's the American way. You must recognize their battle cry, SUE, SUE, > SUE! :^) I recognize the battle cry, just never understood the selfish reasoning. People never fail to prove to me that my expectations are too high. And they're not very high at all...
 Signature Joe - Linux User #449481/Ubuntu User #19733 joe at hits - buffalo dot com "Hate is baggage, life is too short to go around pissed off all the time..." - Danny, American History X
Brian Smith - 09 Jul 2009 14:19 GMT > I recognize the battle cry, just never understood the selfish > reasoning. People never fail to prove to me that my expectations are > too high. And they're not very high at all... I don't understand the mentality of it either, Joe. The world is driven by greed and greedy people seem to be driven to the extreme rather than by reason.
Elmo P. Shagnasty - 09 Jul 2009 15:36 GMT > > It's the American way. You must recognize their battle cry, SUE, SUE, > > SUE! :^) > > I recognize the battle cry, just never understood the selfish > reasoning. People never fail to prove to me that my expectations are > too high. And they're not very high at all... The discussion isn't about people. The discussion is about corporations, specifically insurance companies, and their way--"deny, deny, deny". Where do you think the "back pain" came from?
Brian Smith - 09 Jul 2009 16:28 GMT > The discussion isn't about people. The discussion is about > corporations, specifically insurance companies, and their way--"deny, > deny, deny". Where do you think the "back pain" came from? You're incorrect. The original discussion was about the damage to Elle's vehicle. This off shoot of the topic came about when this was posted the following;
Grumpy AuContraire <Grumpy@ExtraGrumpyville.com> wrote in news:Lld5m.105564$d36.69201@bgtnsc04-news.ops.worldnet.att.net:
> If you are unhurt, just go for the cosmetic repair. > > Of course if it were me, I'd be screamin' neck, back and other > maladies and interviewing sleazy lawyers! > > > JT That is where the people came into the discussion. When it was made obvious that there are people with extremely low ethics and standards out there, that only think about what they can get out of others (whether businesses or other people) for nothing.
Grumpy AuContraire - 10 Jul 2009 04:15 GMT >>> It's the American way. You must recognize their battle cry, SUE, SUE, >>>SUE! :^) [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > corporations, specifically insurance companies, and their way--"deny, > deny, deny". Where do you think the "back pain" came from? Man... You said a mouthfull there.
I have only been in a three accidents in my driving experience. None were my fault but they all occurred back in the good ol' days - pre 1970.
In every case, settlement was pretty routine and prompt and no lawyer was ever consulted.
But I fear that today's situation would be drastically different. It seems that no one is up to facing their responsibility. As a result, the trial lawyers are enjoying a field day.
BTW, if you are in a physical damage accident only, forget about any of these guys offering their services. If you're injured, they'll be banging down your door!
Grrrrr
JT
Grumpy AuContraire - 10 Jul 2009 04:08 GMT >>>Why's that? >> [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > reasoning. People never fail to prove to me that my expectations are > too high. And they're not very high at all... I'll have you know that my expectations are very high... Six figures or more!!!
JT
Grumpy AuContraire - 10 Jul 2009 04:06 GMT >> Why's that? > > It's the American way. You must recognize their battle cry, SUE, > SUE, SUE! :^) Not to mention a very old (by this time) girlfriend from the 1960's...
JT
Forrest - 09 Jul 2009 08:30 GMT >> 93 Civic DX sedan. It was a collision hard enough that the drawer >> beneath the radio opened and sent the coin change I keep there flying. [quoted text clipped - 14 lines] > > JT Not to mention, the sudden onset of impotence and insomnia !
Grumpy AuContraire - 10 Jul 2009 04:05 GMT >>>93 Civic DX sedan. It was a collision hard enough that the drawer >>>beneath the radio opened and sent the coin change I keep there flying. [quoted text clipped - 16 lines] > > Not to mention, the sudden onset of impotence and insomnia ! Oh, the pain and depression...
$$$$$$$
JT
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