what i usually do to test a realy, is to look in the relay box for
another one like it, and then swap the 2, then see if the problem
transfers from one system to another...

a relay is nothing more than a magneticicaly operated switch, you
just have to figure out which pin is hot with the ignition switch on,
and which pin should be hot with the relay engaged, then jumper the 2
in the relay box...