-glaze with sherry, add the reduced broth.
Finally, put in the root vegetables and simmer for 15 minutes.
Allow to cool slightly.
Place the pie pan in 375 degree oven for a few minutes so bottom crust is not soggy,
  reduce oven to 325.
Fill the pie with stew, place top crust and with a fork, seal the crusts together
  then poke holes in top.
Return to oven and bake for 30 minutes, or until pie crust is golden brown.

Sudden Infant Death Soup

SIDS: delicious in winter, comparable to old fashioned Beef and Vegetable Soup.
Its free, you can sell the crib, baby clothes, toys, stroller... and so easy to
procure if such a lucky find is at hand (just pick him up from the crib and
he?s good to go)!

SIDS victim, cleaned
? cup cooking oil
Carrots
onions
broccoli
whole cabbage
fresh green beans
potato
turnip
celery
tomato
? stick butter
1 cup cooked pasta (macaroni, shells, etc.)

Remove as much meat as possible, cube, and brown in hot oil.
Add a little water, season, then add the carcass.
Simmer for half an hour keeping the stock thick.
Remove the carcass and add the vegetables slowly to the stock,
  so that it remains boiling the whole time.
Cover the pot and simmer till vegetables are tender
  (2 hours approximately).
Continue seasoning to taste.
Before serving, add butter and pasta,
  serve piping with hot bread and butter.

Offspring Rolls

Similar to Vietnamese style fried rolls, they have lots of meat
(of course this can consist of chicken, beef, pork, or shrimp).
Who can resist this classic appetizer; or light lunch served with
a fresh salad? Versatility is probably this recipe?s greatest virtue,
as one can use the best

many vegetables;
green beans work especially well. Meat is not necessary every day, don?t
be afraid to alter any dish to vegetarian tastes.

1 premature baby, born dead
Large bunch of mustard greens
2 white onions, 1 cup chopped celery
Vegetable oil (or hog fat)
Salt, pepper, garlic, etc.

Lightly brown onions, celery, garlic and meat in large heavy pot.
Add a little water and the greens (which should be thoroughly cleaned and washed).
Smother slowly for at least 2 hours, adding small amounts of water
  when it starts to stick.
Stir frequently.
When ready - serve with rice, grilled smoked sausage, green salad, and iced tea.
Coffee and apple pie then brandy.

Maternity Ward Pot Luck Dinner

If you can?t get anything fresh from the hospital, nursery, or morgue;
you can at least get rid of all the leftovers in your refrigerator.

1 - 2 lbs. cubed meat (human flesh, chicken, turkey, beef...)
1 -2 lbs. coarsely chopped vegetables
  (carrots, potatoes, turnips, cauliflower, cabbage...)
Bell pepper
onions
garlic
ginger
salt pepper, etc.  
Olive oil
butter

Brown the meat and some chopped onions, peppers, and garilic in olive oil,
  place in baking dish, layer with vegetables seasoning and butter.
Bake at 325? for 30 - 45 minutes.
Serve with hot di

of chicken, beef, pork, or shrimp).
Who can resist this classic appetizer; or light lunch served with
a fresh salad? Versatility is probably this recipe?s greatest virtue,
as one can use the best part of a prime, rare, yearling, or the
morticians occasional horror: a small miracle stopped short by a
drunk driver, or the innocent victim of a drive-by shooting...

2 cups finely chopped very young human flesh
1 cup shredded cabbage
1 cup bean sprouts
5 sprigs green onion, finely chopped
5 cloves minced garlic
4-6 ounces bamboo shoots
Sherry
chicken broth
oil for deep frying (1 gallon)
Salt
pepper
soy & teriyaki
minced ginger, etc.
1 tablespoon cornstarch dissolved in a little cold water
1 egg beaten

Make the stuffing:
  Marinate the flesh in a mixture of soy and teriyaki sauces
     then stir fry in hot oil for till brown - about 1 minute, remove.
  Stir-fry the vegetables.
  Put the meat back into the wok and adjust the seasoning.
  De-glaze with sherry, cooking off the alcohol.
  Add broth (optional) cook a few more minutes.
  Add the cornstarch, cook a few minutes till thick,
     

Wow!  Both offensive and completely dumb!  Good job!

and butter.
Bake at 325? for 30 - 45 minutes.
Serve with hot dinner rolls, fruit salad and sparkling water.

B?b? Buffet 1

Show off with whole roasted children replete with apples in mouths -
and babies? heads stuffed with wild rice. Or keep it simple with a
hearty main course such as stew, lasagna, or meat loaf.

Some suggestions

Pre-mie pot pies, beef stew, leg of lamb, stuffed chicken, roast pork spiral ham,
Cranberry pineapple salad, sweet potatoes in butter, vegetable platter, tossed salad with tomato and avocado, parsley new potatoes, spinich cucumber salad, fruit salad
Bran muffins, dinner rolls, soft breadsticks, rice pilaf, croissants
Apple cake with rum sauce, frosted banana nut bread sherbet, home made brownies
Iced tea, water, beer, bloody marys, lemonade, coffee

The guests select food, beverages, silverware... everything from the buffet table.
They move to wherever they are comfortable, and sit with whoever they choose.
Provide trays so your guests will not spill everything all over your house from
carrying too much, nor will they have to make 10 trips back and fourth from th

potatoes in, boil for 4 minutes.
Corn is added next, boil an additional 11 minutes.
Put the live babies into the boiling water and cover.
Boil till meat comes off easily with a fork.

Oven-Baked Baby-Back Ribs

Beef ribs or pork ribs can be used in this recipe,
and that is exactly what your dinner guests will assume!
An excellent way to expose the uninitiated to this highly misunderstood
yet succulent source of protein.

2 human baby rib racks
3 cups barbecue sauce or honey glaze (see index)
Salt
black pepper
white pepper
paprika

Remove the silverskin by loosening from the edges,
  then stripping off.
Season generously, rubbing the mixture into the baby?s flesh.
Place 1 quart water in a baking pan, the meat on a wire rack.
Bake uncovered in 250? oven for 1? hours.
When browned, remove and glaze,
  return to oven and bake 20 minutes more to form a glaze.
Cut ribs into individual pieces and serve with extra sauce.

Fresh Sausage

If it becomes necessary to hide the fact that you are eating
human babies, this is the perfect solution.
But if you are still paranoid, you can substitute pork butt.

5 lb. lean chuck roast
3 lb. prime baby butt
2 tablespoons each:
  salt
  black, white and cayenne peppers
  celery salt
  garlic powder
  parsley flakes
  brown sugar
1 teaspoon sage
2 onions
6 cloves garlic
bunch green onions, chopped

Cut the children?s butts and the beef roast into pieces
  that will fit in the grinder.
Run the meat through using a 3/16 grinding plate.
Add garlic, onions and seasoning then mix well.
Add just enough water for a smooth consistency, then mix again.
Form the sausage mixture into patties or stuff into natural casi

stuffing among the cabbage leaves then roll.
Place seam down in a baking pan.
Ladle tomato gravy on top,
  and bake at 325? for 30 - 45 minutes.

Umbilical Cordon Bleu

Nothing is so beautiful as the bond between mother and child,
so why not consume it?
Children or chicken breasts will work wonderfully also.

4 whole umbilical chords (or baby breasts, or chicken breasts)
4 thin slices of smoked ham, and Gruyere cheese
Flour
eggwash (milk and eggs)
seasoned bread crumbs
1 onion
minced
salt
pepper
butter
olive oil

Pound the breasts flat (parboil first if using umbilical
  cords so they won?t be tough).
Place a slice of ham and cheese on each, along with some minced onion
  then fold in half, trimming neatly.
Dredge in flour, eggwash, then seasoned breadcrumbs;
  allow to sit for a few minutes.
Saut? in butter and olive oil until golden brown,
  about 6 minutes on each side.

Shish Kababes

As old as the hills, this technique has employed seafood, beef, pork, lamb,
poultry, and vegetables; just about anything can be grilled, and young humans
are no exception!

High quality marinade (Teriyaki and garlic perhaps)
1 inch cubes of tender meat, preferably from the nursery
Onions
bell peppers
Wooden or metal skewers

Marinate the meat overnight.
Get the grill good and hot while placing meat, vegetables, and
  fruit such as pineapples or cherries on the skewers.
Don?t be afraid to use a variety of meats.
Grill to medium rare,
  serve with garlic cous-cous and saut?ed asparagus.
Coffee and sherbet for desert then walnuts, cheese, and port.
Cigars for the gentlemen (and ladies if they so desire)!

Crock-Pot Crack Baby