bread crumbs
1 onion
minced
salt
pepper
butter
olive oil

Pound the breasts flat (parboil first if using umbilical
  cords so they won?t be tough).
Place a slice of ham and cheese on each, along with some minced onion
  then fold in half, trimming neatly.
Dredge in flour, eggwash, then seasoned breadcrumbs;
  allow to sit for a few minutes.
Saut? in butter and olive oil until golden brown,
  about 6 minutes on each side.

Shish Kababes

As old as the hills, this technique has employed seafood, beef, pork, lamb,
poultry, and vegetables; just about anything can be grilled, and young humans
are no exception!

High quality marinade (Teriyaki and garlic perhaps)
1 inch cubes of tender meat, preferably from the nursery
Onions
bell peppers
Wooden or metal skewers

Marinate the meat overnight.
Get the grill good and hot while placing meat, vegetables, and
  fruit such as pineapples or cherries on the skewers.
Don?t be afraid to use a variety of meats.
Grill to medium rare,
  serve with garlic cous-cous and saut?ed asparagus.
Coffee and sherbet for desert then walnuts, cheese, and port.
Cigars for the gentlemen (and ladies if they so desire)!

Crock-Pot Crack Baby

When the quivering, hopelessly addicted crack baby succumbs to death,
get him immediately butchered and into the crock-pot, so that any
remaining toxins will not be fatal. But don?t cook it too long,
beca

Saut? in butter and olive oil until golden brown,
  about 6 minutes on each side.

Shish Kababes

As old as the hills, this technique has employed seafood, beef, pork, lamb,
poultry, and vegetables; just about anything can be grilled, and young humans
are no exception!

High quality marinade (Teriyaki and garlic perhaps)
1 inch cubes of tender meat, preferably from the nursery
Onions
bell peppers
Wooden or metal skewers

Marinate the meat overnight.
Get the grill good and hot while placing meat, vegetables, and
  fruit such as pineapples or cherries on the skewers.
Don?t be afraid to use a variety of meats.
Grill to medium rare,
  serve with garlic cous-cous and saut?ed asparagus.
Coffee and sherbet for desert then walnuts, cheese, and port.
Cigars for the gentlemen (and ladies if they so desire)!

Crock-Pot Crack Baby

When the quivering, hopelessly addicted crack baby succumbs to death,
get him immediately butchered and into the crock-pot, so that any
remaining toxins will not be fatal. But don?t cook it too long,
because like Blowfish, there is a perfect medium between the poisonous
and the stimulating. Though it may not have the same effect on your
guests, a whole chicken cooked in this fashion is also mighty tasty.

1 newborn - cocaine addicted, freshly expired, cleaned and butchered
Carrots
onions
leeks
celery
bell pepper
potatoes
Salt
pepper
garlic, etc
4 cups water

Cut the meat into natural pieces and brown very well in olive oil,
  remove, then brown half of the onions, the bell pepper, and celery.
When brown, mix everything into the crock-pot, and in 6 to 8 hours you
  have turned a hopeless tragedy into a heartwarming meal!

George?s Bloody Mary

Don?t shy away from this one, it is simply a cocktail variation of
good old Blood Stew. When a pig is killed, its throat is slit and
those present quaff a cup of hot blood to so

to hide the fact that you are eating
human babies, this is the perfect solution.
But if you are still paranoid, you can substitute pork butt.

5 lb. lean chuck roast
3 lb. prime baby butt
2 tablespoons each:
  salt
  black, white and cayenne peppers
  celery salt
  garlic powder
  parsley flakes
  brown sugar
1 teaspoon sage
2 onions
6 cloves garlic
bunch green onions, chopped

Cut the children?s butts and the beef roast into pieces
  that will fit in the grinder.
Run the meat through using a 3/16 grinding plate.
Add garlic, onions and seasoning then mix well.
Add just enough water for a smooth consistency, then mix again.
Form the sausage mixture into patties or stuff into natural casings.

Stillborn Stew

By definition, this meat cannot be had altogether fresh,
but have the lifeless unfortunate available immediately after delivery,
or use high quality beef or pork roasts (it is cheaper and better to
cut up a whole roast than to buy stew meat).

1 stillbirth, de-boned and cubed
? cup vegetable oil
2 large onions
bell pepper
celery
garlic
? cup red wine
3 Irish potatoes
2 large carrots

This is a simple classic stew that makes natural gravy,
thus it does not have to be thickened.
Brown the meat quickly in very hot oil, remove and set aside.
Brown the onions, celery, pepper and garlic.
De-glaze with wine, return meat to the pan and season well.
Stew on low fire adding small amounts of water and
  seasoning as necessary.
After at least half an hour, add the carrots and potatoes,
  and simmer till root vegetables break with a fork.
Cook a fresh pot of long grained white rice.

Pre-mie Pot Pie

When working

Is it the tranny or the power steering?

Probably didn't hurt anything if your description is accurate. Quite a
mess though...

head is not available
  (such as with packaged crawfish, crab, or headless baby).
Flour
oil
onions
bell peppers
garlic salt, pepper, etc.
3 cups chicken stock
2 sticks butter
3 tablespoons oil

First stuff the heads, or make the patties (see index)
  then fry or bake.  
Set aside to drain on paper towels.
Make a roux with butter, oil and flour,
  brown vegetables in the roux, then add chicken stock and
  allow to simmer for 20 minutes.
Add the patties or stuffed heads, and some loose crawfish,
  lobster, long piglet, or what have you.
Cook on low for 15 minutes, then allow it to set for at least
  15 minutes more.
Serve over steamed rice; this dish is very impressive!

Stuffed Cabbage Rolls

Babies really can be found under a cabbage leaf -
or one can arrange for ground beef to be found there instead.

8 large cabbage leaves
1 lb. lean ground newborn human filets, or ground chuck
Onions
peppers
celery
garlic
soy sauce
salt pepper, etc
Olive oil
breadcrumbs
Tomato Gravy (see index)

Boil the cabbage leaves for 2 minutes to soften.
In skillet, brown the meat in a little olive oil,
  then add onions, peppers, and celery (all chopped finely)
  and season well.
Place in a large bowl and cool.
Add seasoned breadcrumbs and a little of the tomato gravy,
  enough to make the mixture pliable.
Divide the stuffing among the cabbage leaves then roll.
Place seam down in a baking pan.
Ladle tomato gravy on top,
  and bake at 325? for 30 - 45 minutes.

Umbilical Cordon Bleu

Nothing is so beautiful as the bond between mother and child,
so why not consume it?
Children or chicken breasts will work wonderfully also.

4 whole umbilical chords (or baby breasts, or chicken