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Car Forum / MINI / November 2006New BINI
http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y115/Horney_mini/AdNewMini.jpg Taken from:- www.sniffpetrol.com 'GET DWARVES AWAY FROM MY CAR' SCREAMS MINI BOSS There were angry scenes and an embarrassing revelation at a German launch party for the new Mini this week. Sources report that Mini Deutchland boss Helm Käse arrived at the function and, on sighting some people sitting near one of the cars on display, immediately became panicked. 'Get those dwarves away from my car' he screamed, before hiding behind a curtain. A fellow manager eventually pointed out that the 'dwarves' were in fact normal-sized people whose appearance had been rendered dwarfish by the distended, cartoon-like design details of BMW's new small car. 'Helm is scared of dwarves,' revealed a Munich insider, 'so his reaction was only natural, in a weird sort of way. I think he was bullied at school or something.' This isn't the first time the Mini's 'looks big but isn't' styling has caused problems. At a UK dealer conference in May this year delegates were ushered into a car park as two examples of the new car were driven in to meet them. Despite the nearby presence of, amongst others, a 7-series, an X5, a 7.5 tonne curtain sided lorry and quite a big Portacabin, the Mini appeared, at a distance, bigger than all of them leading some delegates to wail 'It's going to crush us!' and run back inside, crying. 'This is becoming a bit of a problem,' said an anonymous BMW designer. 'For all our UK-made car projects we decided to work in a classically British mix of imperial and metric measurements to capture that elusive combination of inept working practise and low quality for which your motor industry is known. I think we may have got inches and centimetres muddled up.' Those living close to Land Rover's development centre in Warwickshire, where another BMW-developed vehicle, the new Range Rover, is undergoing final testing, have confirmed this theory. 'It's enormous,' confirmed local resident Clive Rancid, 'last week a pre-production prototype ran over my house.' 5 THINGS THAT LOOK SMALLER THAN THE NEW MINI BUT AREN'T 1: Ford Focus 2: Mercedes E class 3: Cadillac Elderado 4: Magic Johnson 5: Shropshire Sorry folks, I am obsessed with useless information and have to share this. There were angry scenes and an embarrassing revelation at a German launch party for the new Mini this week. Sources report that Mini Deutchland boss Helm Käse arrived at the function and, on sighting some people sitting near one of the cars on display, immediately became panicked. 'Get those dwarves away from my car' he screamed, before hiding behind a curtain. A fellow manager eventually pointed out that the 'dwarves' were in fact normal-sized people whose appearance had been rendered dwarfish by the distended, cartoon-like design details of BMW's new small car. 'Helm is scared of dwarves,' revealed a Munich insider, 'so his reaction was only natural, in a weird sort of way. I think he was bullied at school or something.' This isn't the first time the Mini's 'looks big but isn't' styling has caused problems. At a UK dealer conference in May this year delegates were ushered into a car park as two examples of the new car were driven in to meet them. Despite the nearby presence of, amongst others, a 7-series, an X5, a 7.5 tonne curtain sided lorry and quite a big Portacabin, the Mini appeared, at a distance, bigger than all of them leading some delegates to wail 'It's going to crush us!' and run back inside, crying. 'This is becoming a bit of a problem,' said an anonymous BMW designer. 'For all our UK-made car projects we decided to work in a classically British mix of imperial and metric measurements to capture that elusive combination of inept working practise and low quality for which your motor industry is known. I think we may have got inches and centimetres muddled up.' Those living close to Land Rover's development centre in Warwickshire, where another BMW-developed vehicle, the new Range Rover, is undergoing final testing, have confirmed this theory. 'It's enormous,' confirmed local resident Clive Rancid, 'last week a pre-production prototype ran over my house.' 5 THINGS THAT LOOK SMALLER THAN THE NEW MINI BUT AREN'T 1: Ford Focus 2: Mercedes E class 3: Cadillac Elderado 4: Magic's Johnson 5: John Holmes cock I really need a dry man humping,,,please! > Sorry folks, I am obsessed with useless information and have to share > this. [quoted text clipped - 42 lines] > > I really need a dry man humping,,,please! Taffy....your entire, pathetic life, is completely filled with jealousy and hate. I really pity you. Oh shucks and I thought you really loved me Marky! Taffy > Oh shucks and I thought you really loved me Marky! > > Taffy No Darryl, I have no interest in you at all. Sorry to break your heart though. I was busily flonking away in AUK, when The Goddess Eris Herself suddenly made me reply to Madmax: >> Sorry folks, I am obsessed with useless information and have to share >> this. [quoted text clipped - 45 lines] > Taffy....your entire, pathetic life, is completely filled with jealousy > and hate. I really pity you. Well, there's a non sequitur. Did you know that unprovoked attacks on other posters is a kooksign?  Signature________________________________________________________________________ Hail Eris! All hail Discordia!! Kallisti!!! mhm 29x21 Pope Snarky Goodfella of the undulating cable, JM, CK, POEE, KOTHASK, GGGHD, HCNB, IAC, MWFA COOSN-029-06-71069 Email popesnarky *at* gmail.com I want a boyfriend who is sensitive and caring, but they already have boyfriends. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Cabal_of_the_Holy_Pretzel/join "email is not a private form of communication." -- Dustin Cook, in Message-ID: <1157484607.556401.25070@h48g2000cwc.googlegroups.com> "Dustin is FILTH in my opinion. And not for any reason other than posting Rhonda's personal info." -- Respondant "After the Swift Boat Veterans who served with Kerry in Vietnam claimed that Kerry lied about his heroism, the Democrats wanted to make a similar ad attacking Bush, but they couldn't find anyone who served with him." -- Anonymous "You would no longer be here if I were to stop praying for you." Andrew B. Chung's delusions of grandeur are getting out of hand, in MID: <1160653810.937331.31980@e3g2000cwe.googlegroups.com> > I was busily flonking away in AUK, when The Goddess Eris Herself suddenly > made me reply to Madmax: I have had my way, many times, with the Goddess Eris. I really think she is hot. Im sitting here chcukling to myself, thanks Taffy, Lis had a giggle to! and then we both craked up when we saw the MADMAX retard getting in on the act again...I've been telling her about him, but tonight was the first time she was looking over my shoulder when I was reading the NG... So Max, my better half, whos also a Mini fan also thinks your a total looser! > Sorry folks, I am obsessed with useless information and have to share > this. [quoted text clipped - 42 lines] > > I really need a dry man humping,,,please! > Im sitting here chcukling to myself, thanks Taffy, Lis had a giggle to! > [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > So Max, my better half, whos also a Mini fan also thinks your a total > looser! Tell Lis that her c.nt smells like bad fish. If she really likes "mini's", I can see why she is with you. Vienna sausage dick. MINIS WILL BECOME MASSIVE WARNS MAN Contrary to current rumour, and seemingly every edition of Auto Express at the moment, BMW's next generation Mini will in fact be a lot bigger than the current model, at least according to one completely made-up scientist who always appears in Sniff Petrol. Professor Ken Freeply of Nigel Havers College, Kettering claims that instead of merely growing slightly to take account of new legislation and packaging requirements, the forthcoming third generation of the popular fashion car will in fact expand in all directions to become pretty big. "It's quite simple," Prof Freeply explained. "The current Mini is almost 20 percent longer than the original Mini. Therefore, using a special equation which I have just thought of, the next generation model will grow by a similar amount, making it as big as a 3-series. This in itself is rather worrying, but that's nothing to the terrifying prospect we face if we extrapolate this generation-on-generation growth. I think we must face up to the certain knowledge that the sixth or seventh generation Mini will be 700 feet long. Or something." However, the clearly mental brainiac had some more reassuring news for those alarmed by his size-based findings. "Happily, I have also noticed that the gap between the original Mini and the launch of the new car was 42 years. So by the time the scary Mini that will crush us all comes along it will be the year 2211". Prof Freeply later denied that actually the next Mini is launched next year and that his maths was "rubbish". > MINIS WILL BECOME MASSIVE WARNS MAN > [quoted text clipped - 20 lines] > year 2211". Prof Freeply later denied that actually the next Mini is > launched next year and that his maths was "rubbish". OK...how fascinating. Do you ever leave the house? >> MINIS WILL BECOME MASSIVE WARNS MAN >> [quoted text clipped - 22 lines] > > OK...how fascinating. Do you ever leave the house? Just a quick question here folks,............ "if its a mini" why is it so big, Good point... But if they called it a Maxi, then that would upset all those people who loved Maxis But then again I don't know anyone who even likes Maxis, let alone loves [him] them Only kidding Maxi. > >> MINIS WILL BECOME MASSIVE WARNS MAN > >> [quoted text clipped - 25 lines] > Just a quick question here folks,............ > "if its a mini" why is it so big, >>Just a quick question here folks,............ >>"if its a mini" why is it so big, Because the original mini went belly up....and now a new car has arrived that adults actually fit in. >>>Just a quick question here folks,............ >>>"if its a mini" why is it so big, >> > Because the original mini went belly up....and now a new car has arrived > that adults actually fit in. By adults, do you mean yanks? RS He probably means tossers, but since the New BINI has gone belly up they've created the even bigger New, New BINI instead. > He probably means tossers, but since the New BINI has gone belly up > they've created the even bigger New, New BINI instead. Belly up just like Taffie....lying on the road with his entrails stretched across the highway. >>>>Just a quick question here folks,............ >>>>"if its a mini" why is it so big, [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > By adults, do you mean yanks? > RS Not necessarily, just people more evolved than you. > >>>>Just a quick question here folks,............ > >>>>"if its a mini" why is it so big, [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > > > Not necessarily, just people more evolved than you. Not Yanks then? Taffy >>>>>>Just a quick question here folks,............ >>>>>>"if its a mini" why is it so big, [quoted text clipped - 10 lines] > > Taffy Learn to read taffie. > >>>>Just a quick question here folks,............ > >>>>"if its a mini" why is it so big, [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > > > Not necessarily, just people more evolved than you. No definitely not Yanks then! >>>>>>Just a quick question here folks,............ >>>>>>"if its a mini" why is it so big, [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > > No definitely not Yanks then! Now you are just showing what a bigot that you are, again. Definitely not anything close to being an adult. No wonder you drive around in a go-cart. I think its time for taffie to have a time out. |
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