On Jun 26, 9:56?am, poo...@scooper.com wrote:

Huh...

[someone] wrote:

To which of the 7 crossposted groups are you referring?

Please remove alt.vampyres from replies to this spamthread. We would
appreciate being able to use our newsgroup again. Thank you.

A few years ago, Troma released what I still consider to be the best DVD
of all time, Citizen Toxie. An entertaining film, with so many
worthwhile extras it redefined 'collector's edition,' and all at a
really reasonable price. So, it was with much anticipation I awaited the
next DVD release of a Troma helmed film (as opposed to those they
acquire the rights for). That film was Julie Strain's Tales From the
Crapper.

Julie Strain's Tales From the Crapper was a real labour to bring to the
small screen. The film was originally meant to be two movies for the
short lived Tromaville website. Directed by India Allen, the two films
turned out to be incoherent sh.t. Not only that, but the two films were
quite expensive by Troma standards, costing somewhere around $100,000
each. Obviously, Troma is not a studio to spend money, let alone
squander it. To get something back, Lloyd Kaufman, president of Troma
and creator of the Toxic Avenger, and his cohorts tried to salvage the
footage in post production, and even did some reshooting. I did not know
all this going in, but the mess that the film is makes more sense if you
know that beforehand.

The disc begins with nudity. Literally, you press play, and you get a
topless woman. Now, THAT is a good start! The nudity is part of the
intro with Lloyd Kaufman, president of Troma and creator of the Toxic
Avenger and 'Michael Herz' (re: Joe Fleishaker playing Herz). The intro
pretends to explain why the following movie is shot on video. The intro
has the usual cheese, but also some funny, utterly tasteless, jokes.

Tales starts with Lloyd Kaufman, president of Troma and creator of the
Toxic Avenger, dressed as The Crapkeeper. This is without question the
most expensive, elaborate Troma costume to date. Just imagine all the
money Troma must've spent to make it look like The Crapkeeper was just a
guy with a rubbish bag on his head! James Gunn, currently winning over
genre fans' hearts with his movie Slither, arrives to discuss a movie
deal with The Crapkeeper, and then we cut to the first tale in this
anthology.

The first story is entitled The Case of the Melon Heavy Alien Man Eater.
An alien crash lands, and runs around muttering. The alien sounds an
awful lot like Lloyd Kaufman, president of Troma and creator of the
Toxic Avenger, being back-masked. Anyway, the alien is looking for
someplace where it can raise money to repair its ship and also kill
Earthlings at the same time. Naturally, it heads to a strip club. When
the alien's murder spree begins, tough cop Julie Strain starts tracking it.

Despite a few jokes 'borrowed' from The Simpsons; Teenage Mutant Ninja
Creator, and real life Mr. Strain, Kevin Eastman in a bit part; and a
man being killed with his own cock, there's not a lot going on here. The
Case of the Melon Heavy Alien Man Eater remains a confusing, jumbled
mess, perhaps having TOO MUCH added to try to clarify the confusing,
jumbled footage Troma had to work with. There is a series of narrators,
who I guess are explaining gaps in the 'story.' The problem is that with
virtually everything being poorly ADRed, the narrators only add to the
confusion. There are some ADRed jokes as well, but most of these are
fart noises. A lot of the ADR 'clarification' actually makes things
harder to follow, because with the sound so cluttered and poorly mixed,
it's hard to tell who's talking. The most amusing bits of this segment
are the ones with the least amount of post-tinkering.

However, because Troma knew the movie was sh.t, they included something
called 'Boner Vision.' Boner Vision is a popup screen within the film
that features nudity, and it appears frequently in this segment. This
actually DID its job, and distracted me from how bad the movie was.

The end tally for The Case of the Melon Heavy Alien Man Eater is
lesbians, cheap as f.ck gore, those funny newsmen from Citizen Toxie,
and more naked flesh than ever before. I will never watch this section
again without commentary, though.

After that ordeal, Lloyd Kaufman, president of Troma and creator of the
Toxic Avenger, comes back to essentially do a mini version of his Make
Your Own Damn Movie project. He shows the viewer how to create a
memorable lesbian, trannie, Fleishaker, splatter scene.

Then it's on to the second story of this anthology, called Tuition of
the Terror Twat. Subtle. This time, Strain is a vampire stripper. When a
guy has trouble getting into college, his friends set up a risky
business, holding a stripper party to raise tuition. Unfortunately, they
use Strain and her friends, which results in orgy of violence, rather
than the type of orgy they were no doubt hoping for.

Tuition of the Terror Twat is the section that benefited the most from
the reshoots, and is far better than the mini-movie that preceded it.
This segment starts out with more and better gore than the entire first
one, and has the BEST dig at George W. Bush I've ever seen. What really
helps this section is that rather than try to make it better, Troma
totally deconstructs what's happening on screen. Lloyd Kaufman,
president of Troma and creator of the Toxic Avenger, plays the parent of
the young man who can't get into college, and he keeps calling in to
leave messages on the machine and yell about the 'plot.' When it would
make no sense for the father's voice to be there, faux commentaries are
inserted to completely cover up boring dialogue or to make fun of the
footage. Even with narrators explaining, the movie makes no sense, but
given The Crapkeeper's on screen response to critics of the film's plot,
I just have this to say: Tuition of the Terror Twat is a masterpiece of
logic and gentle poise.

This segment features the bulk of the cameos, including Ted Raimi, Ron
Jeremy 'look-alike' Ron Hyatt, Count Smokula, and Trey Park…er…Juan
Schwartz. This segment also has New Found Glory, which is too bad,
because they suck.

I actually enjoyed Tuition, and wouldn't have minded if it had been
released as a solo mini-movie. But, if it had been on its own, there'd
be far less Boner Vision. It has all the plusses of The Case of the
Melon Heavy Alien Man Eater, but is far funnier.
Video
Tales from the Crapper's mini-movies are presented full frame, with
wraparounds that are letterboxed. The whole thing is shot on video, but
the wraparounds are higher quality video. Both of the movies have video
grain, soft images, and there are video glitches in the movies and the
wraparounds. There is the occasional artefact, but they're hard to spot
because of the lesser video quality. The second mini-movie is slightly
clearer than the first.
Audio
The audio is available in a two channel track. Case's audio quality
fluctuates, as does the volume, and it suffers from painful ADR.
Distortion can occur in either mini-movie, and the overall audio is too
loud. Case's audio is very slap shod, but Tuition's is better due to a
proper mix. Keep an ear out for recycled Toxic Avenger sounds. The score
is actually an eclectic collection, with quite a few funny, original songs.
Extra Features

The best extra, as usual for a Troma disc, is the making of. This making
of is shorter than some of Troma's others, at roughly 60 minutes, and
actually is based around the reshoot. Lloyd Kaufman, president of Troma
and creator of the Toxic Avenger, hosts the making of, and also appears
to be filming himself for it. He explains the history of the project,
and what went wrong. What's very interesting is that here we get a rare
glimpse of Lloyd Kaufman, president of Troma and creator of the Toxic
Avenger, in serious business mode. It's also interesting to watch the
breakdown of the reshoot, mostly the result of Lloyd Kaufman, president
of Troma and creator of the Toxic Avenger, having little control and
flat out abandoning the reshoot. The behind the scenes also has bonus
footage of Raimi and Schwartz, as well as getting to see Wes Craven, who
stopped by the set, and Chad (Unspeakable) Ferrin. One thing I REALLY
disliked was the mockery made of Craven by some on set (including
Ferrin). Craven was obviously not interested in being filmed, but
remained polite, and even contributed $100 to the project. While I don't
personally feel it's fair to lump Craven in with Tobe Hooper and John
Carpenter as directors who've lost it, I think it's shitty to insult the
man after he showed support to their project. But I guess when those on
hand aren't even showing respect for their own project, how can they be
expected to respect anyone else's? The apathy for the film they were
making obviously really upset Lloyd Kaufman, president of Troma and
creator of the Toxic Avenger, as well. But then, seems virtually
everything on a Troma film set does!

The DVD also has an extra called Julie Strain's Topless Comedy Jam. This
is mostly a tour of Strain's house that runs about four minutes long.
She freestyles, which is terrible, but is topless for a lot of this
feature. This extra isn't funny, and there're no ninjas, turtle or
otherwise.

Tales' original trailer and new trailer are both included, as are
deleted and extended scenes. These scenes have the two other countries
the DVD sleeve boasts about production being filmed in, more gore,
extended rabbit fetish footage, an Osama Bin Laden blow job, and more
nudity. The Cannibal Lesbian Hoedown video clip that everyone in Tales
keeps watching or listening to is here, as well as the web comics.

There are two commentaries. One features Julie Strain; Tuition director
Brian Spitz; and Lizzie Strain, Julie's sister. Julie makes bad jokes,
seems to think the first half is good, and doesn't know who Ted Raimi
is. The track is not particularly informative, though Spitz does provide
some details about things, and isn't all that entertaining either. The
main commentary is much better, and features Lloyd Kaufman, president of
Troma and creator of the Toxic Avenger; Troma editor Gabe Friedman; and
a young man named Timmy they claim is the director. This track is funny
and satirical. It's not the normal loving mockery you get from Lloyd
Kaufman, president of Troma and creator of the Toxic Avenger, for a
movie he was involved with, but is filled with faux praise that is
really picking the film apart. I was hoping for a full on breakdown of
the breakdown of the film, so maybe someday Lloyd Kaufman, president of
Troma and creator of the Toxic Avenger, will record a new track to give
us further insight into what went wrong.

The DVD also has some of the usual Troma extras, like ads for the
website and Make Your Own Damn Movie. The trailer for Citizen Toxie has
been removed for this Australian release, but oddly the trailer for
Parts of the Family is still present. I thought the Troma trailer
nonsense had been sorted out with the OFLC, but I guess not. Also,
making its 10 zillionth appearance is…yep, you guessed it…THE RADIATION
MARCH.
The Verdict
A few of the extras are lacklustre, but this is another required DVD for
Troma fans. I can't imagine anyone revisiting The Case of the Melon
Heavy Alien Man Eater. Other than that, Lloyd Kaufman, president of
Troma and creator of the Toxic Avenger, and company have done a
commendable job of turning utter sh.t into entertaining sh.t. The extras
may not be up to Citizen Toxie standard, but then, neither is the main
feature. Hopefully Lloyd Kaufman, president of Troma and creator of the
Toxic Avenger, will vent some of his frustration with this project
artistically in his upcoming Poultrygeist.

You think standing nude next to gloryholes takes patience and courage?
Maybe that's patience waiting for your next customer and courage not
telling them that you have aids. You sick pervert.