IF MY BODY WERE A CAR

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about
trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches
in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull, but that's not
the worst of it.

My fenders are too wide to be considered stylish. They were once as
sleek as a little MG; now they look more like an old Buick.

My seat cushions have split open at the seams. My seats are sagging.
Seat belts? I gave up all belts when Krispy Kreeme opened a shop in my
neighborhood.!

Air bag's ?Forget it. The only bags I have these days are under my eyes.
Not counting the saddlebags, of course.

I have soooooo many miles on my odometer. Sure, I've been many places
and seen many things, but when's the last time an appraiser factored
life experiences against depreciation?

My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up
close.

My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid
and bump into things even in the best of weather.

My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.

It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.

My fuel rate burns inefficiently

But here's the worst of it -almost every time I sneeze, laugh real hard,
cough or sputter..... either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires

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Thanks to whoever wrote this gem!