+++Yes, it's true, usenet readers, Will Sill was seen last Friday
gnawing the heads off of several live chickens in an apparent dementia
episode that left his family and neighbors aghast and in shock.  The
sight of the hapless birds flapping their wings in the last throes of
life as Will sunk his dentures into their small bodies carved an
indelible picture on the minds of all who witnessed this atrocious act.
Children and adults alike were seen puking in disgust.

+++Shortly following this horrific act, Will was seen slowly caressing
the headless fowl in a most unusual and questionable manner.  This
further traumatized his family and several are now undergoing
psychiatric treatment recovering from this mind-numbing experience.
Serious post-traumatic-stress-disorder is expected to follow.

+++At last report Will was seen dancing a jig down the street and
giggling maniacally while drooling bits of flesh and feathers from his
mouth.

+++If you see him, do not approach.  I repeat, DO NOT APPROACH.  You
could be next!