OT~A Day in The Life of Joe Conservative

Thread view:

Enable EMail Alerts

Start New Thread

Thread rating:

F.H. - 15 Sep 2007 19:22 GMT

Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with water to prepare his
morning coffee. The water is clean and good because some tree-hugging
liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards. With his first
swallow of water, he takes his daily medication. His medications are
safe to take because some stupid commie liberal fought to ensure their
safety and that they work as advertised.

All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his employer's medical
plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid
medical insurance -- now Joe gets it, too.

He prepares his morning breakfast: bacon and eggs. Joe's bacon is safe
to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to regulate the
meat packing industry.

In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo. His bottle is
properly labeled with each ingredient and its amount in the total
contents because some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know what
he was putting on his body and how much it contained.

Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes
is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought for the laws
to stop industries from polluting our air.

He walks on the government-provided sidewalk to the subway station for
his government-subsidized ride to work. It saves him considerable money
in parking and transportation fees because some fancy-pants liberal
fought for affordable public transportation, which gives everyone the
opportunity to be a contributor.

Joe begins his work day. He has a good job with excellent pay, medical
benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some lazy
liberal union members fought and died for these working standards. Joe's
employer pays these standards because Joe's employer doesn't want his
employees to call the union.

If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he'll get a worker
compensation or unemployment checks because some stupid liberal didn't
think he should lose his home because of his temporary misfortune.

If Joe changes jobs his insurance goes with him to his new job because
a liberal president finally overcame 50+ years of resistance from
conservatives and got the law enacted.

It is noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some
bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because some
godless liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous bankers
who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression.

Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his below-market
federal student loan because some elitist liberal decided that Joe and
the government would be better off if he was educated and earned more
money over his lifetime. Joe also forgets that in addition to his
federally subsidized student loans, he attended a state funded university.

Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at his
farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His car is
among the safest in the world because some America-hating liberal fought
for car safety standards to go along with the taxpayer funded roads.

He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the third generation to live in
the house financed by Farmers' Home Administration because bankers
didn't want to make rural loans.

The house didn't have electricity until some big-government liberal
stuck his nose where it didn't belong and demanded rural electrification.

He is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father lives on
Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking,
cheese-eating liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe
wouldn't have to.

Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio talk
show. The radio host keeps saying that liberals are bad and
conservatives are good. He doesn't mention that the beloved
conservatives have fought against every protection and benefit Joe
enjoys throughout his day. Joe agrees: "We don't need those
big-government liberals ruining our lives! After all, I'm a self-made
man who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I have."

Reply to this Message

badgolferman - 15 Sep 2007 20:25 GMT

> Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with water to prepare
> his morning coffee. The water is clean and good because some
[quoted text clipped - 79 lines]
> man who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I
> have."

Headlines from the year 2029

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh
largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally known as California.
White minorities still trying to have English recognized as
Mexifornia's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and
livestock.

Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of
the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria and
Lebanon).

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10
more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported
legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces
mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight
loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly
swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political
contributions to campaign accounts.

Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.

Reply to this Message

n5hsr - 15 Sep 2007 22:19 GMT

>> Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with water to prepare
>> his morning coffee. The water is clean and good because some
>> tree-hugging liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards.

Chicago met those standards long before the liberals made them mandatory.
Why? because the City realized it had a problem if it didn't do something
about all the disease and places like 'Bubbly Creek'.

With

>> his first swallow of water, he takes his daily medication. His
>> medications are safe to take because some stupid commie liberal
>> fought to ensure their safety and that they work as advertised.

Wasn't that the Pure Food and Drug Act of 1906 passed by a conservative
Republican Congress and signed by Theodore Roosevelt?

>> All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his employer's medical
>> plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for
>> paid medical insurance -- now Joe gets it, too.

Not everywhere he doesn't. Obviously you've never worked in IT.

>> He prepares his morning breakfast: bacon and eggs. Joe's bacon is safe
>> to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to regulate the
>> meat packing industry.

Again, wasn't that the Pure Food and Drug Act of 1906?

>> In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo. His bottle is
>> properly labeled with each ingredient and its amount in the total
>> contents because some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know
>> what he was putting on his body and how much it contained.

Didn't that start with the Pure Food and Drug Act of 1906 again?

>> Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he
>> breathes is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought
>> for the laws to stop industries from polluting our air.

Actually, some of the things that changed the world was the Killer Fogs of
London in the 1950's. I think Los Angeles was starting to get them, too.
Even the conservatives were realizing something had to be done.

>> He walks on the government-provided sidewalk to the subway station for
>> his government-subsidized ride to work. It saves him considerable
>> money in parking and transportation fees because some fancy-pants
>> liberal fought for affordable public transportation, which gives
>> everyone the opportunity to be a contributor.

Dear F***ing Headcase,

'Public' transit in Chicago wasn't public until 1947. In many midwestern
communities, sidewalks are only public because they occur on the public
easement, but they were neither built nor paid for with public money. They
may be nowadays, but they weren't in a lot of cases. And interurban and
suburban rail didn't go public until they created the RTA in the 1970's
which is a JOKE, along with Metra and Pace. The average Pace Bus contains
either 1 or 2 people. How's that saving the environment?

>> Joe begins his work day. He has a good job with excellent pay, medical
>> benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some lazy
>> liberal union members fought and died for these working standards.

It doesn't work that way in IT or nursing. Right now we pay nurses so
poorly that we can't get enough people here to go into nursing, we have to
import them from the Phillipines. We also seem to be importing a lot of IT
workers from India. Nurses have a union, for what good it did.

>> Joe's employer pays these standards because Joe's employer doesn't
>> want his employees to call the union.
[quoted text clipped - 11 lines]
>> godless liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous
>> bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression.

So many people were ruined by the banking disaster that it was not a
question of regulation, merely how much. My grandfather got 6 cents on the
dollar from a bank failure, and he was one of the LUCKY ones.

>> Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his
>> below-market federal student loan because some elitist liberal
>> decided that Joe and the government would be better off if he was
>> educated and earned more money over his lifetime. Joe also forgets
>> that in addition to his federally subsidized student loans, he
>> attended a state funded university.

1. I went to a private univerity, thank you. I've seen the public
univerities, I wouldn't waste my time in those liberal reeducation camps.

2. When I got out of college, those student loans were rigged to go up to
10 percent, at a time when I could have got a 6 percent loan to cover them
all. Instead I used my profit sharing to pay them off entirely. I didn't
get my profit sharing because of a union, either.

>> Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at
>> his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His
>> car is among the safest in the world because some America-hating
>> liberal fought for car safety standards to go along with the taxpayer
>> funded roads.

Actually the biggest mover on Federal Funded roads was conservative
president Dwight Eisenhower. He'd seen what Autobahns could do in Germany
and they were originally built as military roads, and they still can be
called on to serve that purpose today. He'd learned just how bad roads were
and how hard it was to move troops in the time of disaster by trying to slog
all across the country on the then-Lincoln Highway in 1919.

>> He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the third generation to live
>> in the house financed by Farmers' Home Administration because bankers
>> didn't want to make rural loans.

None of my grandparents got a dime of help from the FmHA My grandfather
happened to own a farm because his father-in-law helped him with the land
and the extra money he made during the War helped him buy scarce building
materials.

>> The house didn't have electricity until some big-government liberal
>> stuck his nose where it didn't belong and demanded rural
>> electrification.

My grandfather built his new house right after the War, but it still didn't
have electricity until 1948. He had to use a wind-charger and a battery
operated radio to listen to the radio of a night.

>> He is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father lives on
>> Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking,
>> cheese-eating liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe
>> wouldn't have to.

One grandad worked in the oil fields and got next to nothing from Social
Security, so he had to keep right on working.

The other one didn't even live till retirement.

>> Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio talk
>> show. The radio host keeps saying that liberals are bad and
[quoted text clipped - 4 lines]
>> man who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I
>> have."

Bull. Since 1965, the LIEberals have done a lot of harm, too.

Judicial activisim. Why is segregation NOT an issue but abortion is?
Because the country was moving toward abolishing segregation, albeit slowly.
Brown vs Topeka basically fit the tenor of the times, and several laws were
passed. Roe Vs Wade was basically an attempt by Planned Parenthood to stop
any restricions on their actions. They were the main force behind it. They
are still the main force behind trying to prevent any restriction on
abortion. It's all about the money.

> Headlines from the year 2029
>
[quoted text clipped - 49 lines]
>
> Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.

That's a good one, dbu.

Charles of Schaumburg

Reply to this Message

larry moe 'n curly - 15 Sep 2007 23:18 GMT

> > With his first swallow of water, he takes his daily medication. His
> > medications are safe to take because some stupid commie liberal
[quoted text clipped - 13 lines]
>> contents because some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know
>> what he was putting on his body and how much it contained.

> Didn't that start with the Pure Food and Drug Act of 1906 again?

Conservatives had nothing to do with that law, except to oppose it,
and the Republicans back then were the liberals and progressives. If
you don't think Republicans can be liberals, remember that Republican
Congressman Fiorello LaGuardia was voted the most liberal member of
Congress before he became Mayor of New York, and he was a strong
supporter of FDR's New Deal, as was the Bush family. And if you look
at each of FDR's Republican presidential opponents, you won't find a
real conservative among them.

>> Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he
>> breathes is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought
[quoted text clipped - 3 lines]
> London in the 1950's. I think Los Angeles was starting to get them, too.
> Even the conservatives were realizing something had to be done.

Conservatives opposed all but the most lax pollution standards and
even doubted that air pollution was actually harmful to people.

Reply to this Message

dh - 16 Sep 2007 04:56 GMT

[snip]

> 1. I went to a private univerity, thank you. I've seen the public
> univerities, I wouldn't waste my time in those liberal reeducation camps.

1) My oldest kid went to a state university. You didn't get a better
education than he did. My second child went to a private university. The
first one's public school was better.

2) And I find it hard to believe you went to any kind of college or
university. Your typical post is useless. You rarely bring facts or
creative arguments to the party. You're so afraid of ideas that you're
proud of your killfile. If you really did go to a private university, which
one? I'd like to know because, clearly, it's one to steer people away from,
as its grads don't think.

Signature

Posted via a free Usenet account from http://www.teranews.com

Reply to this Message

larry moe 'n curly - 15 Sep 2007 23:01 GMT

> > Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with water to prepare
> > his morning coffee. The water is clean and good because some
[quoted text clipped - 86 lines]
> White minorities still trying to have English recognized as
> Mexifornia's third language.

Why will they revert to 1950s electric motors in 2029? Even 1990s
electric cars used brushless induction motors run by solid state
variable frequency drive units.

BTW in the 1980s, for every hispanic Californian who knew how to speak
Spanish, there were two who didn't.

> [ Rest of badly written comedy bit snipped ]

Reply to this Message

qslim - 16 Sep 2007 01:30 GMT

Zzzzzzz.

--
Message posted using http://www.talkaboutautos.com/group/alt.autos.toyota/
More information at http://www.talkaboutautos.com/faq.html

Reply to this Message